I really dislike one pupil:
We know that this is critical. The student is more disruptive and often doesn’t follow our instructions. If he tends to behave aggressively, he may insult us or even become aggressive towards us.
When I was a teacher, I also disliked some students and avoided them. The relationship between them and me deteriorated more and more. It all happened unconsciously. But it often led to me having stress with them, as I now realize in retrospect. That helps:
Allow negative emotions towards students instead of suppressing them. This offers an important opportunity: namely, to process and mitigate them! E.g. through:
– Putting feelings into words: E.g. talking to a specialist or a colleague. However, it should be a colleague who gets on well with the pupil and likes them. If she also feels annoyed by him, we agree, for example, that the pupil is a cheeky guy etc.. This strengthens the negative emotions towards him.
– Do not take the student’s behavior personally: Try to interpret their behavior in a way that promotes relationships. E.g. if a pupil is repeatedly annoyed by XY. Interpret this as “he can’t do any better” instead of “why is he always annoying me with XY – how stupid”, which reinforces the negative emotions towards him. Or with younger pupils, “Kids do well, if they can” (Green, 2014).
– Pay attention from time to time to whether he is already doing a little better, or what he is doing well, e.g. he is friendly towards a classmate. It is helpful if all teachers in this class do this. Then discuss together what he is already doing better, which promotes a more positive attitude towards him.
– Approach him instead of avoiding him. For example, talk to him about what he is passionate about outside of school, e.g. his hobby. Or he is a fan of a football club. Then talk to him about it. He’ll be happy to talk about it.
– Take a solution-oriented approach (Eichhorn, 2025). Pay attention to whether he is already doing problem behavior XY a little better. This offers the following possibilities:
– Give him prompt recognition.
– Come back to positive things: Say the next morning, “Great Dario, you managed to do XY better yesterday, that was great.” Or: “Dario, do you remember yesterday?” Short pause, “You already managed to do XY better – that was great!” Speak in a friendly manner and smile at him, for example.
– Invite him to a friendly conversation. Then talk to him about it,
– how he managed to do that,
– what advantages it will have for him if he continues to do this,
– what will help him to improve further.
– Ask him for a favor and give him a “thank you card” (Eichhorn, 2025).
Case study: A teacher asked Roman, an older pupil with previously very challenging behavior, to think about and carry out a movement exercise with some classmates, accompanied by music that the class liked. They did body percussion, which everyone enjoyed. Then she gave him the following card.
| Thank you so much, Roman! |
| I love the way you do the body percussion, Roman! Everyone really likes it. It helps your classmates to concentrate better. And you also create a good atmosphere in our class. That’s really SUPER. Thank you so much for your valuable help! I am VERY pleased! Best regards |
Write the card in such a way that it goes down well with the student. We can also ask him if he likes it. If “not”, we can tell him verbally that we think what he is doing is very good. We also give recognition to the others who have participated.
Literature
Greene, R. W. (2014): Lost at school: Why our children with behavior disorders are falling through the cracks and how we can help them. New York: Scribner, 2008, 2014.